What to use instead of oil when baking a cake…

One thing I love doing is baking. I dont really follow recipes. For those that bake a cake from a box it requires oil for me thats like putting fat into your cake. I really dont want my cake all oily. Here are a few alternatives. Also instead of water i use milk.

Pumpkin i use the one in a can

Apples sauce

Pudding the instant make that first and put it aside.

Bake your cake and eat

Enjoy!

Self-Harm & Suicidal Thoughts

This is a very hard subject for me to talk about. I have been suicidal for many years. I want to say about 12 years. I have suicidal thoughts almost every day. Sometimes I can control them other times I cant. I have been cutting my thighs off and on throughout the years. It first starts off with anxiety and then it goes to depression. I have been going through depression for a very long time as well.

If I don’t control my depression it will escalate to my suicidal thoughts. Sometimes I just straight out have suicidal thoughts. It all depends on the day. I haven’t told my family of what I go through. I tried telling my mom but she doesn’t quite understand me. I want to tell my brothers and my dad on what I go through but it’s hard to even start the conversation with them.

I don’t exactly have a relationship with my family. I have urges to cut all the time that will never go away. It will always be a part of me.

I think back and I wish I never even started to cut. I never cut in front of anyone when I did cut my thighs I make sure it was in private. I am writing this blog post to help anyone who may be going through a similar situation

This is an addiction that will never go away. I have to live with this for the rest of my life. I do have support groups on Facebook that I am in. Sometimes it helps other times it triggers it.

I no longer cut but I still have urges. The last time I relapse I regretted it so much. I didn’t know how to stop. I have learned how to control it but during my depression I always want to cut. I am glad I get passed it and I don’t go near any knives during that time.

I know during my depression if I move where I’m sitting I get up grab a knife and I cut. The other day I had really bad urges. I was crying and my boyfriend was talking to me on the phone. I stayed sitting on the sofa talking to him. I eventually calmed down and got out of it and got passed it.

There’s also a suicidal hotline that I can call. I called once they are very helpful I know if my boyfriend isn’t around to call I will definitely be calling the hotline if it gets really bad.

I bought myself a self-love ring as a reminder to never cut again and as a reminder to always take care of myself first and to love myself ,respect myself, and have confidence and self-esteem. It is a reminder to no matter what I go through in life to always put myself first.

I also started going to a non denomination Christian Church to help lead me back to my faith. I am loving this church so far. Looking forward to where this Journey leads me.

I will be also getting a tattoo in the near future as a reminder never to cut again. I hope writing this will help someone. Remember you are not alone and if anyone needed to talk about suicidal thoughts and urges or whatever I can help you get through it.

This storm feels like your drowning but it wont rain forever. You eventually will enter the brightness. This is just a moment things will get better.

I have depression and anxiety. I was emotionally and physically abused I was raped when I was 17 . I lost a lot of family members that died I also lost a lot of friendships in my life. I haven’t seen none of my friends in about 5 years.This was my way of dealing with it.

I did not cut for attention either that is not something you just play around with.

I blamed myself a lot and I thought the day I was raped that he shouldve killed me so I wouldn’t be suffering like this. Thats not the answer though everything that I been through is what makes me stronger.

I have to keep fighting not only for myself but also for my son Josiah. He keeps me going everyday. I would not be here if it wasn’t for him. I love my son so much and my boyfriend who has stood by my side during my darkest days.

I am grateful to be alive today and I am here to help others . It is my destiny. I will help anyone that I can . This is a healing process it will take time but I will get where I need to be.

Vegan Recipe

I am a pescatarian and I cook a lot of vegan meals. This is one of my favorites when I don’t really know what to cook.

Spicy Chickpea Teriyaki

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This is a very easy recipe, 1 Can of Chickpeas drained and rinsed. 1/4 cup of teriyaki sauce, 1tbsp of szechuan sauce, 1 tbsp of raw sugar (optional), 2 cups cooked brown or white rice, 1 cup of salsa. You can always use more of the ingredients as needed. I usually add more of the teriyaki sauce and salsa. You can add more ingredients to your taste of liking. Enjoy!

Travel Bucket List

One of my dreams was to travel the world but I never got the chance to. Maybe one day I can go somewhere amazing. I want to go to different places and learn different cultures and taste new food and learn a different language it has always been one of my dreams. I have listed below some places I would like to travel to.

Hawaii

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I think hawaii is one of the beautiful places. It has always been a dream to go here. Its mountains and the beautiful water. Wow its just amazing, I wish I could go swimming or even learn how to go surfing.

Watching the Ball drop in Times square in New York

Times-Square-ball-drop

This has been one of my dreams since I was a little girl. I would watch the ball drop from New York on television. There are so many people so I know I could never achieve this because of my social anxiety. I would have to be really drunk to go here lol.

Take a train trip somewhere

train trip

Yes I would definitely like to take a trip on a train somewhere. I want to discover the world and just look at the scenery.  I just love trains, I have never been in one so this would be a great experience for me.

Walk through the Sagano  Bamboo Forest in Japan

forest

My sign is Virgo which is an earth sign and I absolutely love nature and the outdoors. I don’t get out like I want due to my depression but I would love to go here. I could only imagine how being here would smell like. I would like to go here to take a long walk to do some workouts. The scenery is absolutely beautiful.

Go on an adventure to Paris Italy

pariss

I would love to travel to Paris Italy, I think its the most romantic place in the world. I know it will never happen because I think it will be too expensive. Just look at this picture it is so beautiful. I would like to travel one day and meet people and try all the good food there.

 

These are just to name a few, there are many more places I would love to visit. I want to learn different languages and eat different foods. It would be amazing just to accomplish one of my places on my travel bucket list.

Benefits of Green Tea

I have been drinking green tea for a very long time. I drink it every morning right before a workout. Green tea is very healthy It is loaded with antioxidants and nutrients. I have listed below many benefits of green tea

  • Builds Stamnia and immunity
  • Reduces Cholesterol
  • Tones muscles and skin
  • Elimates hangovers
  • Head aches
  • Cold and flu
  • Depression
  • weight loss
  • Brain function
  • Anxiety
  • Heart diseases

 

These are just a few of the benefits. I drink green tea because it helps me focus and it gives me energy to help me throughout the day. At the same time It helps me loose weight.

Date Ideas

tourist in paris at the arch du triomphe
Dating is very important sometimes you get busy or can’t go on an expensive date. I have listed below some cheap dates along with expensive or home dates. This is also good for the couples who need some ideas . I hope you enjoy . They are listed below.
  1. Have a indoor or outdoor picnic.
  2. Go to the beach
  3. Book a cruise and go on a wonderful cruise.
  4. Go to the library and check out books together.
  5. Get dressed and go out to eat together.
  6. Reenact your first date
  7. Go to the park and take a walk
  8. Go to the zoo
  9. Get a fishing licence and go fishing an crabbing together.
  10. cook together and drink a glass of wine.
  11. take a nap together yes i consider this as a date.
  12.  Go to a golf course together.
  13. Take a cooking class together.
  14. Go on a shopping date together.

Go to the mall and go shopping and go out to eat.

 

These are just a few listed I will post more in a later post. Thanks for taking your time to read my blog.

Ten things about me

There’s a lot of things that people don’t know about me so I have listed a few below. This is a fun way so you can get to know me better. I hope you enjoy reading this.

 

  • I have a bad habit of chewing on my nails.
  • I love spicy salsa on everything
  • I have a phobia of getting haircuts. ( blog is posted about that)
  • I was in modeling when I was a teenager.
  • I love to dress up in costume as someone else.
  • My passion is writing and photography.
  • My son is my world.
  • I go through depression and suicidal thoughts.
  • I was raped when i was seventeen. (Blog about that coming soon)
  • I was never taught how to put on makeup.

Things I love about my boyfriend

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Yes this is a mushy topic to talk about but I was like why not. There are a lot of things that I love about my boyfriend.  We dated twenty years in high school, and now twenty years later we are back together more in love than ever. We been together for about two years. We have our ups and downs but its going strong.

I love his smile, Just seeing his smile brings me a smile to my face. He makes me laugh everyday. I could be having a bad day or whatever and he can easily make me laugh until my stomach hurts. He is always there when I need him, He is a great listener. I could be vent to him about anything. He is also my best friend. He has always been there for me during the toughest times.

He has always supported me in everything I wanted  and has never judged me in any way. When I told him about starting a blog site he was very supportive and encouraged me and was so positive about it. It has been something I been wanting to do for a very long time. I was so happy because I have never had anyone do that for me.

He is very caring and understanding and puts me before himself. He has always had my back on no matter what it is. If I were to call him right now and I needed him I know he drop everything just to attend to whatever I needed. When my family shut me out he was right there to pick up the pieces. He told me if they didn’t want me in their life then it was there loss and that I did my part. He not only tells me that he loves me but he proves it to me.

 

My Bucket List

I have never had a bucket list, so I started one and I was like why not. Life is too short and you have to live it to the fullest. There are so many places I want to see and so many things I want to do. These are all the things I want to do before I die. I want to try new things and just go on a great adventure no matter where life will take me.

The Northern Lights

northern lights

I want to see the northern lights, they are just so beautiful and so vibrant. There are only a few places where you can see them from and Texas isn’t one of them.

Make New Friends

make new friends

I am not a very social person. I have trouble making friends, I don’t even have a handful of friends. So I would like to make new friends someone that I can connect with that can get on my level.

 

Have a Picnic

 

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Thats right I have never had a picnic, My boyfriend said he will take me on one soon so I am waiting here patiently. I want to try different foods and just enjoy the outdoors, I love nature.

 

Kiss in the Rain

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This has always been a dream of mine. Just a passionate wet kiss in the rain. So romantic I am sure this will happen for me very soon. I am not going to die without doing this first haha.

 

Achieve my goal weight

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This is definitely a must. I am trying my hardest to get back at the weight I was before. I am now eating healthy food and working out everyday. Its so hard to keep up a routine but I manage to do it. Once I skip days its really hard to get back to it so I make sure I don’t miss too many days. I am going to get at my goal weight in the next few months.

 

 

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